It’s time for a hump day rant.
You know what I find irritating beyond perhaps anything else? When I go to sleep and I dream about things that occur in my normal day. For instance, last night, I had a dream that I was in a Shop Rite trying to grocery shop (I am a total Wegman’s gal) and I just kept meandering around the store, unable to find anything on my grocery list. This dream is the only dream I remember and was even stressing me out so much so that I woke up in the middle of the night, completely annoyed that my subconcious and its freewill chose to dream about the most tedious job I have as a mother when it could be creating something fabulous and unrealistic, then fell back asleep and had the same damn dream all over again. Needless to say, today I have to go grocery shopping, so in a way, today is my own version of Groundhog Day. Except it will involve Wegman’s, where I can probably navigate a shopping cart with my eyes closed as long as every self involved yuppie in designer clothing and full faced makeup isn’t there, wandering from their shopping carts because their importance trumps the common courtesy of leaving aisles at least passable. OR the other extreme is the women that are decked out, and I mean decked out in their workout attire with perfect hair and face paint. Let’s all be honest. If you look that pretty, you obviously didn’t break a sweat this morning before coming to Wegman’s so you more than likely just wanted to wear your workout gear that you bought in the Junior’s Department as you try to fight with every fiber in your body to hold on to your youth. (Maybe that was mean, but I’m going to pull my “crazy pregnancy hormone” card today and defend myself in saying I have no control over what I type.)
So I went to the gym yesterday, thank God because today is yet ANOTHER snow day!!! Hence, the gym is closed. To all my fellow gym rats, I know you feel my pain. Anyhow, what’s worse than not being able to go to the gym, is getting all the way there after you’ve updated your playlist, dropped the kids in childcare, and realize you have NO headphones! I neeeed music to workout. They depend on each other to thrive. When I don’t have music or a friend to talk to, I am forced to people watch, which naturally brings out the worst in me. I become analytical, judgmental, and probably too consumed in trying to figure people out.
Well this pregnancy is winding down. 7 weeks and 3 days to go, but who’s counting, right?
It’s a bittersweet thing, knowing that this is my final pregnancy. It’s so relieving to know that my family will be complete and our future will consist of growing together, not still wondering if additions are in the future. But I love the movements…it’s amazing, really…he is an active little guy. Every moment I’m not moving I feel him and his limbs moving across my torso. He always has the hiccups at night, just like Addie did. But he has those power movements, and I really don’t think they’re kicks because they feel less like a jab and more like someone just punched you in the stomach or pubic bone…you know, the ones that make you stop breathing for a minute. In that, he reminds me of my pregnancy with Mason. I’m excited to meet him and nervous about all the sleepless nights and developing routines and schedules. Some people don’t believe in schedules, but I thrive on them, and consequently my children do as well. At the very least, it creates some sense of structure to a life that is no longer your own.
There’s been so many posts on social media by people resolving to spend less time on their electronics, and focus more attention on their children. Some of the blogs I’ve read have really hit home. What will our children remember? Parents that are constantly inundated by their phones, laptops, and tablets? How much are we missing by simply looking elsewhere at things of no importance?
I am an idiot.
Literally. I am. This baby is sucking the teeny shreds of intelligence I had right out of my head. I am so scattered brained, it’s defeating. I just stared at my screen for about 5 minutes trying to focus on what I wanted to write about…something I thought so clever and amusing yesterday, that no matter how hard I try, I can’t even grasp an essence of what it was. I can recall the conversation I had with a client about it, us laughing, but I cannot for the life of me, remember what it was! And so, to you, my readers, I apologize. You are missing out, because whatever it was, it was funny.
I had a teacher that used to say that in reference to my desk. I knew she was saying “hell of a mess,” so just say it, but I guess teachers can’t say such things without getting in trouble.
Call it nesting. Call a side affect from being snowed in. Snow storms always get me going in the organizational department…probably because it is literally the only time I will stay home and focus. I’m always on the go, I don’t know how to relax, and when I do have down time, I fill it with things to do because I just don’t enjoy sitting around. It’s a tragic flaw, but I’ve learned to embrace it because it’s who I am and at this point in life, I doubt it will ever change. That being said, I am also a neat freak, but only in visible areas. What I mean is, I will vacuum twice a day because crumbs on the floor drive me nuts. I will pick up toys and clutter constantly because my mood reflects my floor. It does. Call me crazy, but if the house is trashed, I’m in a bad mood. I don’t go to bed with dishes in the sink or dirty counters because if I wake up to that, it’s just going to be a bad day for me. I do laundry everyday and put it away everyday because heaps of dirty clothes literally stress me out. I need order. I need things to at least appear in order, whether they truly are or not. I need the new day to begin without remnants of yesterday, even if it’s something as silly as pots and pans from dinner before.
It was a good year. Actually, it was a great year. So great it almost makes me apprehensive for 2014. Then again, I had many years that felt like lengthy vacations in Hell, so maybe I was due for a good one! I kid, I kid.
I married a good man. I really did.
The northeast has been hit with some wickedly cold, early winter weather this year.
Needless to say, I have experienced “The Shining Syndrome.”
What’s that, you ask? Well, it’s what happened to Jack Nicholson when he was barricaded inside an abandoned, haunted hotel with his child and wife in the midst of a huge winter storm. Except in my life’s version, it’s a house about 40,000 square feet smaller than the hotel with three children, 2 weeks before Christmas with countless things to do that must be put on hold until the roads are drivable again. Then, factor in three children (as opposed to one in the movie), two of which are at an age that bickering over everything under the sun is inevitable, add in snow and multiple trips out in it, lasting a maximum of an hour each time, followed by random meltdowns. I love it and hate it, all wrapped up in one emotion called crazy:)
A day of heritage and tradition in a country. A day that two entirely different groups of people set aside their differences, sat down, and gave thanks for all that they had…how far we’ve come from there….how we can spend one day pretending to be thankful and the very next, fight each other like animals to get a sale.
Being a parent is by far, the most humbling experience.
Although I’d love for all of my children to behave a certain way and naturally do certain things, that just doesn’t happen. It’s hard to maintain the perspective that they are, in fact an individual. They are a part of me, an extension of myself, but they are not me. They are not my puppets. I can’t pull strings and make them act the way they should.