My husband is truly my best friend.
We recently went on a long overdue honeymoon to Aruba. It was our 2 year anniversary and we had never gone away together because our wedding was in Charleston. The week of our wedding, we spent 5 days in South Carolina but between children, school, and work, we just didn’t have the time to honeymoon then. Let me tell you it was worth the wait! It was fantastic! Each and every minute of it.
We snorkeled we went deep sea fishing, we went off-roading (in a jeep we rented) all over the mountains, beaches, and towns of Aruba. We did everything we wanted to and sometimes that included doing nothing at all. I can’t pick a favorite part because I loved absolutely everything! But I’m not sure if there is anything more relaxing in the world than lying on the front of a catamaran that’s ripping through the sea with ocean mist and wind on your face, while drinking an Ariba Aruba. We have never had this type of one on one time together, beyond a day or two because he married me and I already had two children. Then we gave life to another little girl, and life became even busier.
I remember being a little worried that we might get sick of each other, especially since we had never been alone for so long. Contrary to my apprehensions, it was more like we couldn’t get enough of each other. Being able to be together with no outside variances to create stress was amazing. We are closer now than we ever were, and I always felt like we a perfect match to begin with. People always ask me if we fight and what exactly about my husband drives me crazy. I can honestly answer-nothing. Sometimes I feel like he works too much, but he is an ambitious man and there will never be enough hours in the day for him to accomplish everything he wants and needs to. Whenever I feel that way, I almost immediately feel so thankful that he works so hard and provides our family with all that he does.
I know the difference between a good and bad relationship. Until I met him, there really were only degrees of “bad” in a relationship. We were both married previously and we’ve both dated BAD people and having all of those experiences really makes us value what we have with each other. My best advice is that you truly need to choose your battles. It’s amazing how, when you are an angry person or the person being taken for granted in a relationship, you start fights. Not to win, but just to feel something other than sad. Being mad is a far superior emotion than feeling sad. Sometimes there are little things that irritate me, that in my past I would have probably started a fight over. 99% of the time, these feelings pass and I can later recognize that I was either tired, drained from one, if not all three of my children, or just plain moody. Yes, I am a woman and I am moody. Yes, I am hormonal. Of course I will admit that. But don’t dare excuse a rational reason to be upset with hormones. We, as women, are allowed to get mad and it is not always attributed to “that time of the month.” For this reason, I established for myself a “24 hour” rule.
The 24 hour rule is simple. If something is bothering me, I ignore my urge to be confrontational. I give myself 24 hours and if I still feel the same way, I have (at the very least) cooled down and am able to talk about it. 24 hours allows you to talk and avoid yelling. It also gives you time to rationalize what you’re feeling and determine if it’s real or dare I say it, a consequence of a bad mood.
I am so thankful that we were blessed with help from our families and were able to get away together. We will do something of the sort, every year. Maybe not as far and probably not as long, but I think investing in your relationship is crucial. Having the chance to enjoy each other is so important. And if you have children, being able to have some time to yourself and feel like a person is a must. I know for myself, sometimes I feel like I’ve lost myself. I know, it’s normal. As a mother, you have people depending on you. The days are long, there’s no paycheck, and there’s no thank you. There’s no raise when you’re an overachiever. You won’t see the fruits of your labor for decades, probably. Spending time with yourself, as crazy as that sounds, with no one “needing” you, is essential for your health.
If you haven’t been away with your significant other, go! There’s never a perfect time and there’s usually not enough money, but you have to sacrifice those things for your future. You don’t want to end up retired with nothing in common except your children. Yes, it was challenging to get away from work, 3 children, and all of the activities that follow, but it was SOOOOO worth it! We had the time of our lives<3